What skills does a Mediator need to have?

One of the great things about mediation is that the mediator does not make all the decisions, they are simply there to make sure the parties involved are working together to come to a fair agreement.

Here are some of the most important skills a professional mediator needs to have:

1. Great listen skills.

2. Questioning skills in order to understand the facts as well as the controversy.

3. Emotional intelligence.

4. Summarising skills to ensure that all the main points are set out and to assist both parties to look at issues in a less emotional way.

5. A lot of empathy!

Perhaps one of the most important skills a mediator needs is the ability to not take anyone's side and to act completely fairly. This means a mediator needs to spend an equal amount of time with each person involved to hear their side of the story as well as what issues they are facing.

As a mediator, it is never a good idea to point out that one of the parties involved is being unfair. That is why they need assistance from a mutual party… Overall mediators assist with helping parties take a reality check so they can put their emotions aside and come to a reasonable, agreed upon outcome.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Don't hesitate to contact Cape Mediators today! Give us a call on 082 422 3324 or email mike@capemediators.co.za

What is Family Mediation all about?

Family mediation has become a popular, peaceful way to resolve and prevent family conflicts, especially where small children are involved. Disputes that have been negotiated in an acceptable manner can restore trust, communication and understanding.

• Family mediation helps you resolve conflict and reach an acceptable agreement on all issues surrounding separation, divorce or dissolution of civil partnership.

• It is a voluntary and confidential process which helps you reach joint decisions without the use of courts.

• It offers you a safe, neutral place where you and your ex-partner can meet with an impartial mediator to work out plans for the future.

• Mediators do not tell you what to do, but help you look at different options for sorting things out, so that you reach your own agreements about all aspects of your separation, divorce or dissolution, including arrangements for children, finances and property.

Cape Mediators are professionals with a wealth of skills and experience in family mediation and conflict resolution. We deliver mediation at the highest accredited standard – If you are seeking mediation please book your session by calling 082 422 3324 or emailing mike@capemediators.co.za

Contact Cape Mediators today!

Landlord vs. Tenant Mediation

“Your home is your safe place”

Until such time as you have a dispute or are in conflict with your landlord...

You have a lease agreement; this agreement ensures that your rights are protected. However, a situation may arise where you feel aggrieved and decide that it is your time to act on it.

Contact is made with the Landlord, who does not share the view you have. In fact, your landlord inflames the situation by threatening your right of abode.

Firstly, within the agreement is there a clause relating to disputes? Most of the time – yes – but it really only provides for legal intervention at your expense. Even if you win the legal action you probably will not be awarded full costs.

A simple clause added will give you peace of mind that in the event of dispute or conflict the parties agree to mediate the matter. If a mutual agreement cannot be reached, the said matter can be referred to an arbitrator to make a ruling.

The mediation process costs are shared by the parties and the agreement is based on mutual acceptance thereof and not decided on a point of law.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Cape Mediators can help you out. 

Email us mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324

The 6 Main Benefits of Mediation

Choosing mediation means a lot more benefits you, especially when it comes to improving the understanding between you and the other party.

Some of the best benefits of mediation are…

-- Avoiding Court. When you choose mediation, it usually means that you do not have to go to court. At the end of your case, your mediator will usually prepare your paperwork and file it with the court.

-- Affordable. It can be very expensive to use traditional litigation. Mediation is a lot cheaper because the focus is to come to a mutual agreement not to destroy the other party.

-- Faster Agreements. Mediation happens according to your timeline and can be done quickly, sometimes in just a few short months or even weeks!

-- Customer Satisfaction. Those who use mediation come to a mutual agreement where both sides are happy with the outcome and there isn’t an overwhelming amount of stress.

-- Privacy. Mediation usually takes place in a private place, like in the mediator’s office, rather than making it a public process.

-- Preserves Relationships. Whether it is a divorce settlement or a labour dispute, preserving your relationship can be the main benefit of using mediation. Mediation focuses on communicating with each other respectfully instead of attacking one another.

These are just some of the main benefits of mediation. Of course, there are many other benefits as well, this is why mediation is seen as a more peaceful and accepted solution that ends and resolves conflicts of any magnitude.

If you are looking for professional mediation services in Cape Town and the surrounding areas, do not hesitate to contact Cape Mediators today: email mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324 to book your session. 

Why is Mediation Better than Arbitration?

Most of the time mediation and arbitration are mentioned together because both can be used instead of litigation. However they are two very different things and mediation is considered to be a better option. 

Here’s why...

TIME – Using arbitration to resolve a conflict or dispute is much faster than going to court, however mediation is faster. If you use mediation, your problem will be resolved in a fraction of the time that arbitration takes; sometimes it even takes as little as one day to completely settle the case.

MONEY – Arbitration may require an arm and a leg as you will need to hire an attorney and then the arbitrators also need to be paid. When using mediation you will almost always save a lot of money. Why? Because the sessions don’t take as long as arbitration so the bills will be much smaller.

FACTS – Arbitration mostly concentrates on finding the facts and uncovering the truth, while mediation likes to emphasize on the future by moving past the conflict and coming to a mutual agreement.

OUTCOME – During arbitration, a ruling will be made that is binding to both parties, so you will have no control of the outcome. In mediation, the parties will determine the outcome by working together with the mediator to come up with a resolution.

Looking for mediation services in Cape Town at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators on 082 422 3324 or pop an email to mike@capemediators.co.za

Why Couples Are Choosing Mediation in Divorce Cases

Divorces are stressful and can cause also sorts of emotional and physical problems ranging from headaches, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, disruption of sleep patterns, psychosomatic illnesses, back aches and other ailments.

The finality and realization that a marriage is over hits everyone differently and everyone reacts to divorce in their own way.  Experts compare divorce to a death and the bereavement stages of anger, fear, loss, sadness and healing that accompany death.  Even if you are the one who initiates the divorce, you still may have unresolved emotional issues about ending the marriage that surface during the divorce negotiations or later.

Anger and disappointment are common feelings that may arise during divorce negotiations. In fact, many times the parties have a hard time communicating with each other about settling divorce issues such as division of property, child custody, visitation and spousal and child support issues.

Besides seeking the support of family, friends and profession advice, a number of couples are opting for divorce mediation to resolve their divorce issues in order to avoid the stress of a costly and lengthy divorce trial.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators at mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324!

What Kinds of Cases Can Be Mediated?

Mediation is available in most non-criminal matters. However, some non-violent criminal cases, like those involving verbal harassment, often result in a successful resolution during mediation. Claims that do not involve a legal issue are also good candidates for mediation. For example, a dispute with a neighbour over an encroaching bush or the brightness of their outdoor lights is hardly the type of claim that merits a lawsuit. In this type of situation, it may be wise to seek mediation to end the conflict.

Mediation cases often involve conflict arising in divorce and child custody issues and in disputes between family members, neighbours, business partners, landlords and tenants, and labour unions and management. 

Advantages of Mediation

In some situations, mediation may be preferable to filing a lawsuit. Mediation provides the following advantages:

Confidentiality. There are a few exceptions, but what the parties say during mediation is confidential and not subject to the future use in a lawsuit. Court cases, on the other hand, are matters of public record.

Costs less than a lawsuit. Mediation cases cost substantially less than court costs and attorney fees.

Faster resolution than going to court. Lawsuits may take years to result in a court ruling, but mediation can take as little as a few hours or a few sessions.

The parties decide. The parties in mediation, not a judge or jury, decide on the resolution.

The parties communicate directly. Rather than communicating through lawyers, the parties speak directly to each other.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Cape Mediators can help you out - simply visit the website here...

When to Divorce: 7 Signs You Need to Get Out

Divorce is a difficult decision to make, but sometimes it can be the only healthy option. If you think it might be time to end your marriage, there are various signs that you can look for to determine when to divorce.

This guide will explain the basic signs that you need a divorce, helping you make an informed decision about when it’s time for divorce mediation.

1) Excessive Negative Interactions

Social psychologists have known for years that it’s not necessarily the severity of disagreements but the quantity that indicates the need for a divorce. The magic ratio in any happy relationship is five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. You know when to divorce partially by weighing your positive interactions against the negative ones. This advice contradicts the popular misconception that small arguments are insignificant as indicators of marital problems. If you find that you have significantly more negative interactions with your partner than positive interactions, it may be a sign that you need a divorce and should contact a mediator.

2) Argument Severity

Even the magic ratio has its limitations. The existence of more positive interactions than negative ones should not be taken as proof that you don’t need a divorce. Very severe and hurtful arguments are one of the most crucial signs to get a divorce. Many couples don’t know when to divorce and stay in unhealthy relationships because they rarely argue, ignoring the fact that those arguments are filled with hurtful or abusive behaviours. The severity of arguments can be an indication that you need a divorce, particularly if the arguments tend to devolve into personal insults rather than topical disagreement. Arguing about things is a normal part of any marriage, but it should not be a frequent occurrence, and you should never feel devalued by the other person during the argument.

3) Different Values

While people with different belief systems often manage to maintain successful marriages, those couples tend to do so by finding common ground in shared values. Knowing when to divorce revolves around knowing when you reach a point where your core values are so different from your partner’s that you will never be able to find common ground. For example, if one partner greatly values having a large family, while the other puts a higher value on achieving career success, it is likely that they will eventually need a divorce unless those values change. Sometimes knowing when to divorce requires looking toward the future and determining whether each person’s idea of what that future looks like is acceptable to the other. If your partner wants a future you could never be happy with, it may be a sign you need a divorce.

4) Marriage Counselling Isn’t Working

Marriage counselling is a great way to work on your problems and receive the invaluable input of an objective third party with training in dispute resolution. Numerous marriages are saved each year through marriage counselling, but both partners must be equally committed to the process for marriage counselling to work. If you have been involved in marriage counselling for at least several months with no signs of progress, that standstill can be a strong indicator of when to divorce. Knowing when to divorce requires first making an effort to fix the problems in the marriage so neither party has regrets.

5) Unfaithfulness

One of the most crucial indicators of when to divorce is if one or both partners have gone outside the marriage to pursue another relationship. While some couples manage to recover from the pain that an affair causes, others take it as validation that they need to end it. Even after a major issue such as an affair, knowing when to divorce is still largely a matter of timing. Marriage counselling can help you determine whether your marriage can survive an affair, or whether you should start thinking about when to divorce. Unfaithfulness destroys the trust in a relationship, so often marriage counselling is not enough to rebuild that trust, and a divorce becomes the only option.

6) Other Signs to Get a Divorce

It may seem strange, but many people consult a divorce attorney before they have made a decision about when to divorce. Some couples even talk to a mediator while they are pursuing marriage counselling. Your mediator has likely worked with hundreds of couples over the years and may be able to provide you with information on when to divorce and whether your situation can be solved with divorce or a separation. Your mediator may even recommend a temporary separation to give both parties some breathing room.

7) Emotional Exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is often the final sign that you need a divorce. When you go through marriage counselling, apply all the techniques to your relationship, and you still feel drained, a divorce can be the only way to salvage your emotional health. When one or both parties check out of the relationship emotionally, it means that there is very little chance that you will be able to find a solution to your marital problems. Marriage requires a commitment from both parties, so one of the most reliable signs for when to divorce is when one or both partners have given up.

 

Mediation is the art of finding a middle ground solution to seemingly unfathomable problems. It is used in contractual and divorce disputes among others - Contact Cape Mediators today!

The ins and outs of family mediation

Due to recent changes in government thinking, family mediation is becoming the preferred method to resolve and prevent family disputes, especially where children are involved.  Agreements that have been freely negotiated can help restore communication, understanding and trust.

- Family Mediation helps you resolve conflict and reach agreement on all issues surrounding separation, divorce or dissolution of civil partnership.

- It is a voluntary and confidential process which helps you reach joint decisions without the use of courts.

- It offers you a safe, neutral place where you and your ex-partner can meet with an impartial mediator to work out plans for the future.

- Mediators do not tell you what to do, but help you look at different options for sorting things out, so that you reach your own agreements about all aspects of your separation, divorce or dissolution, including arrangements for children, finances and property.

Who can use mediation?

- Mediation is open to anybody affected by family breakdown including separation, divorce and dissolution of civil partnership.

- It is mostly used by parents or couples who are experiencing difficulties agreeing arrangements, regardless of age, race, nationality, sexuality, orientation, mobility, faith and other such factors.

- Mediation is also available to other family members, such as grandparents, who may be having difficulties over contact arrangements, or step-parents who would like to support their new partner.

Cape Mediators are professionals with a wealth of skills and experience in family mediation and conflict resolution. We deliver mediation at the highest accredited standard – If you are seeking mediation please click here and fill in the form.

Contact Cape Mediators today!

The Mediation Process

Although every conflict is different and every mediation process differs too, there are a number of steps which you will need to consider in every case...

        1.       Preparation

Lay out the “ground rules” for the mediation process. You may want to set up some basic rules, like only one person speaks at a time, and while someone is talking, the others have to listen in silence. There also will be no verbal abuse at anytime, as well as everything that happens remains confidential unless both parties have another agreement. Consider whether you should have separate meetings with each party to develop a better understanding of the issues before mediating a joint agreement.

        2.       Reconstruction and Understanding the Conflict

Listen to the participants stories, whether together or separately, and clarify what they want to achieve from the process. If you are meeting both participants together, it is helpful if you can summarise the main points of conflict in a neutral way that both can agree upon.  It can also be helpful at this stage to name the emotions that participants are feeling, to show that they have been recognised and understood.

        3.       Defining Points of Agreement and Dispute

Move towards a position where they start to understand each other’s point of view, and can then begin to resolve a shared problem. One way to do this is to think of it as moving from a focus on the past to one on the future. It’s extremely powerful to reflect feelings back to the participants, as it shows both that they have been heard. Don’t be afraid to suggest a break for coffee or a walk outside, or even an adjournment to another day if you think things are getting a bit heated.

        4.       Creating Options for Agreement

Identify the simplest area, or the one on which there is most agreement, and suggest resolving that first, to give a ‘quick win’. Useful techniques for developing options include brainstorming. At this stage – anything goes! You then need to help the participants to develop evaluation criteria, which should ideally be objective and in order of importance. Your role here is to make sure that all participants are equally involved in generating options and developing evaluation criteria, and that they cover all parts of the problem. Make sure that you are reflecting their opinions and not your own. Once the options have been discussed, you’ll need to guide them to a single solution that suits all parties.

        5.       Developing an Agreement

Help the participants to achieve an agreement that is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound:

- Writing down the proposal and reading it back to them.
- Writing down individual points so they are clear and understood.
- Clarifying any general or vague points.
- Avoid legalistic language, and keep everything very simple.
- Summarise progress and next steps, including setting a deadline for any future meetings, and identifying any remaining areas of difficulty, and options for their resolution.
- Being positive about progress and the fact that everyone has remained engaged.
- Offering your continued support as a mediator if required.
- Ensuring both parties sign the agreement then and there, and close the meeting once agreement is reached.

Mediation is an effective method to help solve conflicts that have gone beyond the negotiation stage. Contact Cape Mediators for affordable, professional mediation services!

Mediation can settle Contract Conflict

Contracts are entered into daily in various formats, from bank loans, deeds of sale and employment contracts to rental agreements to name but a few.

The contracts you so willingly sign are filled with many clauses of varying description, but do you realise what you are writing your signature down on? Contracts are seldom read and fully understood by the signatory.

Afford yourself the time to do due diligence – below is an example of a clause often overlooked or omitted.

Clause reference; Disputes: (ADR) alternate dispute resolution.

 The process to be followed if either the parties notifies the other in writing, a dispute exists and the nature thereof. The said clause is to cover the existing period of the agreement and any renewal or extension thereof.

The parties on receipt of said notice the parties shall within a specific time frame ie.10 (ten) working days agree to instruct their representatives or personally attempt to resolve the dispute amicably by negotiation failing this to within a prescribed time (15 working days) refer the matter for resolution by way of mediation.

In the event that the mediation process does not reach a mutually acceptable resolution of the dispute the parties agree to refer the matter to arbitration. The parties agree to be bound by the ruling of the said arbitrator.  The time frames allocated to the set agreed procedures may be mutually altered in writing by the parties.

By including the above mentioned clause one is more likely to avoid:

(           (a)   A decision taken on the matter by an external third party ie Law society representative.

            (b)   Parties agree by default to proceed to litigation.

Mediation then becomes a proactive arena for parties seeking to end disputes or conflict by mutual agreement expeditiously.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!

Landlord vs. Tenant

“Your home is your safe place”

Until such time as you have a dispute or are in conflict with your landlord...

You have a lease agreement; this agreement ensures that your rights are protected. However, a situation may arise where you feel aggrieved and decide that it is your time to act on it.

Contact is made with the Landlord, who does not share the view you have. In fact, your landlord inflames the situation by threatening your right of abode.

Firstly, within the agreement is there a clause relating to disputes? Most of the time – yes – but it really only provides for legal intervention at your expense. Even if you win the legal action you probably will not be awarded full costs.

A simple clause added will give you peace of mind that in the event of dispute or conflict the parties agree to mediate the matter.  If a mutual agreement cannot be reached, the said matter can be referred to an arbitrator to make a ruling.

The mediation process costs are shared by the parties and the agreement is based on mutual acceptance thereof and not decided on a point of law.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Cape Mediators can help you out. 

Email us mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324

What is Mediation?

Mediation may be thought of as “assisted communications for agreement."

It is an effective way of resolving disputes without the need to go to court. It involves an independent third party - a mediator - who helps both sides come to an agreement.

Here are some of the key qualities of the mediation process:

Voluntary – It is a voluntary process, so you can leave at any time for any reason, or no reason.

Collaborative - As no participant in mediation can impose anything on anyone, everyone is motivated to work together to solve the issues and reach best agreements.

Controlled - Each participant has complete decision-making power and a right to reject a decision or proposal over each and every provision of any mediated agreement. Nothing can be imposed on you.

Confidential - Mediation is generally confidential, as you desire and agree, be that by statute, 

contract, and rules of evidence and/or privilege. Mediation discussions and all materials developed for mediation are generally not admissible in any subsequent court or other contested proceeding, except for a finalized and signed mediated agreement.

Informed - The mediation process offers a full opportunity to obtain and incorporate legal and other expert information and advice. Individual or mutually acceptable experts can be retained. Expert advice is never determinative in mediation. The participants always retain decision-making power.

Impartial, Neutral, Balanced and Safe - The mediator has an equal and balanced responsibility to assist each mediating party and cannot favour the interests of any one party over another, nor should the mediator favour a particular result in the mediation. The mediator's role is to ensure that parties reach agreements in a voluntarily and informed manner, and not as a result of force or intimidation.

Self-Responsible and Satisfying - Based upon having actively participated in voluntarily resolving issues, participant satisfaction and the likelihood of compliance are found to be elevated through mediation compared to court options.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!