7 Signs that your Partner is cheating & it’s time for Divorce Mediation!

Cheating can destroy relationships as well as marriages; this is why it helps to know what signs to look out for if you suspect your partner is cheating.

Divorce is full of negative feelings such as anger, sadness, frustration and disappointment. This is why it is best to resolve the issue in a peaceful way and avoid all the stress as well as a lengthy divorce trial. Contact Cape Mediators today and we’ll help you settle your divorce – call 082 422 3324 or email mike@capemediators.

Be sure to look out for these 7 common signs that reveal that your partner is cheating…

Password Protection – Suddenly changing passwords or implementing new ones could be a sign that he is hiding something.

Cell phone Guarding – He won’t let you use his cell phone, he sleeps with it right next to his bed and takes it into the bathroom with him – these are all common signs.

Appearance – Has he suddenly gone from wearing shorts and a t-shirt to fancy suits, shiny shoes and cologne you’ve never smelled before?

No Intimacy – When you reject him and he doesn’t put up a fight like he usually does then this could be a sign of infidelity.

Social Activities – An important business meeting or a party is a common excuse, so be aware when your partner is all of a sudden going out of town.

Frequent Gifts – If he is feeling guilty about being unfaithful he will try and cover it up by buying you gifts and spoiling you more than usual.

Social Media – Keep an eye on his social media profiles, are there less pictures of you and more solo shots and group images? Be aware of how much time they spend on social media as well!

While these are the common signs, it doesn’t mean that they’re always 100% accurate. Be careful to avoid accusing them, rather sit down and have a talk before you jump to any conclusions.

What you need to know about Divorce Mediation in South Africa

When it comes to divorce, the proceedings that follow are usually unnecessarily long, expensive and full of negative emotions.

But why? Because one or both parties cannot come to an agreement about certain factors of the divorce settlement.

The most common factors are maintenance payments, child custody and the division of assets.

This is where mediation comes into the picture. Mediators are trained professionals who are often skilled in a range of mediation services including landlord/tenant mediation, labour disputes, mediation of contractual disputes and the most popular – divorce mediation.

By using a professional mediator, both parties will be assisted in putting aside their emotions and make decisions that will help to bring them to a resolution that is peaceful and accepted by both parties.

The process of mediation is confidential, private and saves both time and money. It also allows both parties involved to communicate with each and try and find a resolution based on their needs.

Would you really want to spend years of your life fighting over a divorce when you can contact a professional mediator and get it done within a few short months?

If you would like help or advice with a divorce please be sure to contact Cape Mediators today. Email mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324 to book your session. Please note that our practice is based in Cape Town, South Africa. Should you require advice on selecting a mediator outside of Cape Town, please contact us and we will gladly provide you with a referral.

Landlord vs. Tenant Mediation

“Your home is your safe place”

Until such time as you have a dispute or are in conflict with your landlord...

You have a lease agreement; this agreement ensures that your rights are protected. However, a situation may arise where you feel aggrieved and decide that it is your time to act on it.

Contact is made with the Landlord, who does not share the view you have. In fact, your landlord inflames the situation by threatening your right of abode.

Firstly, within the agreement is there a clause relating to disputes? Most of the time – yes – but it really only provides for legal intervention at your expense. Even if you win the legal action you probably will not be awarded full costs.

A simple clause added will give you peace of mind that in the event of dispute or conflict the parties agree to mediate the matter. If a mutual agreement cannot be reached, the said matter can be referred to an arbitrator to make a ruling.

The mediation process costs are shared by the parties and the agreement is based on mutual acceptance thereof and not decided on a point of law.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Cape Mediators can help you out. 

Email us mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324

Why Mediated Divorce is your Best Option

Try not to say both wedding planning and divorce planning in the same sentence - please!

Both wedding planning and divorce planning require copious amounts of collective input, the latter however is often void of the same collective involvement.



The latter, divorce, is seen as a “dirty” word. Divorce looks ugly, feels terrible and is rarely planned for, however it is a reality in many people’s lives including the little ones.

As with marriage, there is life after being single, so there is too life after divorce!

A mediated divorce allows both parties to own the process themselves and not hand their destiny over to lawyers and ultimately to the court to decide the final outcome. The environment created by mediation is conducive to seeking a mutual agreement whilst allowing the emotional standing of the parties to be processed. The mediation process has extremely positive healing attributes for life after divorce. For professional mediation services that won't burn a hole in your pocket be sure to contact Cape Mediators today: email mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324 to book your session.

“I can’t deal with this”, “I’ve had enough” and “I just want this to be over with” are quotes that are heard far too often. Yes, you can sit back and just let the lawyers sort it out, but at what cost? And by cost, I am not talking only about the financial aspect.

While the lawyers and busy lawyering, life goes on or both parties attempt for life to go on. In reality, all the emotions still prevail. Just managing to get through work and be productive is a challenge; this is a real concern and can place careers and businesses at a huge risk.

Transferring the underlying stress to other family members and loved ones is often unavoidable – this all comes at a huge emotional cost.



Conflict is destructive in any circumstance, so afford yourself the opportunity to attempt to resolve it in a peaceful manner (mediation) and you will be thankful for the rest of your life.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Whether it be a divorce, labour dispute or landlord/tenant mediation - Contact Cape Mediators today!

When to Divorce: 7 Signs You Need to Get Out

Divorce is a difficult decision to make, but sometimes it can be the only healthy option. If you think it might be time to end your marriage, there are various signs that you can look for to determine when to divorce.

This guide will explain the basic signs that you need a divorce, helping you make an informed decision about when it’s time for divorce mediation.

1) Excessive Negative Interactions

Social psychologists have known for years that it’s not necessarily the severity of disagreements but the quantity that indicates the need for a divorce. The magic ratio in any happy relationship is five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. You know when to divorce partially by weighing your positive interactions against the negative ones. This advice contradicts the popular misconception that small arguments are insignificant as indicators of marital problems. If you find that you have significantly more negative interactions with your partner than positive interactions, it may be a sign that you need a divorce and should contact a mediator.

2) Argument Severity

Even the magic ratio has its limitations. The existence of more positive interactions than negative ones should not be taken as proof that you don’t need a divorce. Very severe and hurtful arguments are one of the most crucial signs to get a divorce. Many couples don’t know when to divorce and stay in unhealthy relationships because they rarely argue, ignoring the fact that those arguments are filled with hurtful or abusive behaviours. The severity of arguments can be an indication that you need a divorce, particularly if the arguments tend to devolve into personal insults rather than topical disagreement. Arguing about things is a normal part of any marriage, but it should not be a frequent occurrence, and you should never feel devalued by the other person during the argument.

3) Different Values

While people with different belief systems often manage to maintain successful marriages, those couples tend to do so by finding common ground in shared values. Knowing when to divorce revolves around knowing when you reach a point where your core values are so different from your partner’s that you will never be able to find common ground. For example, if one partner greatly values having a large family, while the other puts a higher value on achieving career success, it is likely that they will eventually need a divorce unless those values change. Sometimes knowing when to divorce requires looking toward the future and determining whether each person’s idea of what that future looks like is acceptable to the other. If your partner wants a future you could never be happy with, it may be a sign you need a divorce.

4) Marriage Counselling Isn’t Working

Marriage counselling is a great way to work on your problems and receive the invaluable input of an objective third party with training in dispute resolution. Numerous marriages are saved each year through marriage counselling, but both partners must be equally committed to the process for marriage counselling to work. If you have been involved in marriage counselling for at least several months with no signs of progress, that standstill can be a strong indicator of when to divorce. Knowing when to divorce requires first making an effort to fix the problems in the marriage so neither party has regrets.

5) Unfaithfulness

One of the most crucial indicators of when to divorce is if one or both partners have gone outside the marriage to pursue another relationship. While some couples manage to recover from the pain that an affair causes, others take it as validation that they need to end it. Even after a major issue such as an affair, knowing when to divorce is still largely a matter of timing. Marriage counselling can help you determine whether your marriage can survive an affair, or whether you should start thinking about when to divorce. Unfaithfulness destroys the trust in a relationship, so often marriage counselling is not enough to rebuild that trust, and a divorce becomes the only option.

6) Other Signs to Get a Divorce

It may seem strange, but many people consult a divorce attorney before they have made a decision about when to divorce. Some couples even talk to a mediator while they are pursuing marriage counselling. Your mediator has likely worked with hundreds of couples over the years and may be able to provide you with information on when to divorce and whether your situation can be solved with divorce or a separation. Your mediator may even recommend a temporary separation to give both parties some breathing room.

7) Emotional Exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is often the final sign that you need a divorce. When you go through marriage counselling, apply all the techniques to your relationship, and you still feel drained, a divorce can be the only way to salvage your emotional health. When one or both parties check out of the relationship emotionally, it means that there is very little chance that you will be able to find a solution to your marital problems. Marriage requires a commitment from both parties, so one of the most reliable signs for when to divorce is when one or both partners have given up.

 

Mediation is the art of finding a middle ground solution to seemingly unfathomable problems. It is used in contractual and divorce disputes among others - Contact Cape Mediators today!

What are the Benefits of Mediation?

Apart from the obvious benefits of helping you to reach an agreement by yourselves, this is the most cost effective way of sorting out what happens when you split up. Some mediators are independent and they simply aim at making a meaningful difference in people’s lives, like Cape Mediators. They will have lower charging rates than lawyer mediators.

Because you are involved in the discussions directly, and end up with an agreement, you know that the deal is one you can live with. You will have looked at all the options yourselves and you will know that what you have decided should have the best chance of working for you and your family.

With mediation, you are in the driving seat. The process empowers you – to gather the information about finances, for example, and to understand it; to discuss the options direct and to make decisions about them. A criticism of the legal process (particularly if courts are involved) is that decisions are made for you rather than by you – and those decisions are imposed on you.

You have to live with those decisions whether you like them or not.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!

What does mediation involve?

These days there will rarely be a case that is not a suitable candidate for mediation or where the parties would decline to mediate.

Mediation involves the parties choosing their own process, which means that, although most mediation will follow a similar pattern, it can be infinitely flexible. It is a confidential process and "without prejudice", so it is an opportunity to have your say away from the public forum of a court room and in a way that allows you to express your opinion freely.

Mediation is generally presided over by a neutral person who assists the parties to work towards a negotiated settlement. That person is not a judge so they will not give an opinion on the matter but, done well, a good mediator can really test the parties' positions and assist settlement by highlighting strengths and weaknesses.

However, the decision to settle is made by the parties. They cannot be forced to settle and will only settle if the terms of that settlement have been agreed.

That is why it is always important to have someone empowered to make a final decision on settlement attending the mediation. There is nothing more frustrating than reaching a deal in principle but then having to adjourn because the decision has to be referred back to someone who is not present.

Mediation is a tried and tested way to resolve conflicts and disputes, including those which are complex and high value.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!

The ins and outs of family mediation

Due to recent changes in government thinking, family mediation is becoming the preferred method to resolve and prevent family disputes, especially where children are involved.  Agreements that have been freely negotiated can help restore communication, understanding and trust.

- Family Mediation helps you resolve conflict and reach agreement on all issues surrounding separation, divorce or dissolution of civil partnership.

- It is a voluntary and confidential process which helps you reach joint decisions without the use of courts.

- It offers you a safe, neutral place where you and your ex-partner can meet with an impartial mediator to work out plans for the future.

- Mediators do not tell you what to do, but help you look at different options for sorting things out, so that you reach your own agreements about all aspects of your separation, divorce or dissolution, including arrangements for children, finances and property.

Who can use mediation?

- Mediation is open to anybody affected by family breakdown including separation, divorce and dissolution of civil partnership.

- It is mostly used by parents or couples who are experiencing difficulties agreeing arrangements, regardless of age, race, nationality, sexuality, orientation, mobility, faith and other such factors.

- Mediation is also available to other family members, such as grandparents, who may be having difficulties over contact arrangements, or step-parents who would like to support their new partner.

Cape Mediators are professionals with a wealth of skills and experience in family mediation and conflict resolution. We deliver mediation at the highest accredited standard – If you are seeking mediation please click here and fill in the form.

Contact Cape Mediators today!

What skills do you need as a Mediator?

A key aspect of mediation is that the mediator does not sort things out or make any decisions for the parties involved. Instead, he or she helps the parties involved work together to develop their own agreement.

A mediator needs a range of skills, including:

- Active listening skills;

- Questioning and clarifying skills to grasp both the facts and the areas of controversy;

- Emotional intelligence to understand the underlying emotions;

- Summarising skills to set out the main points of controversy, and underlying emotions, and also to help the participants to reframe issues in less emotive language;

- Empathy to help each party to stand in each other’s shoes and understand each other’s point of view.

Perhaps most importantly, a mediator must not take sides, or be seen to be acting unfairly. You will therefore need to acknowledge points made by both parties, and spend equal time with each person or on their issues.

It’s never going to help to point out that someone is being unreasonable, but you can help them take a reality check by asking what they would consider a reasonable outcome, and then asking whether they think the other party would agree.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Don't hesitate to contact Cape Mediators today!

Mediation can settle Contract Conflict

Contracts are entered into daily in various formats, from bank loans, deeds of sale and employment contracts to rental agreements to name but a few.

The contracts you so willingly sign are filled with many clauses of varying description, but do you realise what you are writing your signature down on? Contracts are seldom read and fully understood by the signatory.

Afford yourself the time to do due diligence – below is an example of a clause often overlooked or omitted.

Clause reference; Disputes: (ADR) alternate dispute resolution.

 The process to be followed if either the parties notifies the other in writing, a dispute exists and the nature thereof. The said clause is to cover the existing period of the agreement and any renewal or extension thereof.

The parties on receipt of said notice the parties shall within a specific time frame ie.10 (ten) working days agree to instruct their representatives or personally attempt to resolve the dispute amicably by negotiation failing this to within a prescribed time (15 working days) refer the matter for resolution by way of mediation.

In the event that the mediation process does not reach a mutually acceptable resolution of the dispute the parties agree to refer the matter to arbitration. The parties agree to be bound by the ruling of the said arbitrator.  The time frames allocated to the set agreed procedures may be mutually altered in writing by the parties.

By including the above mentioned clause one is more likely to avoid:

(           (a)   A decision taken on the matter by an external third party ie Law society representative.

            (b)   Parties agree by default to proceed to litigation.

Mediation then becomes a proactive arena for parties seeking to end disputes or conflict by mutual agreement expeditiously.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!

Wedding Planning vs. Divorce Planning

Try not to say both of those in same sentence, please.

Both wedding planning and divorce planning require copious amounts of collective input, the latter however is often void of the same collective involvement.

The latter, divorce, is seen as a “dirty” word. Divorce looks ugly, feels terrible and is rarely planned for, however it is a reality in many people’s lives including the little ones.

As with marriage, there is life after being single, so there is too life after divorce!

A mediated divorce allows both parties to own the process themselves and not hand their destiny over to lawyers and ultimately to the court to decide the final outcome. The environment created by mediation is conducive to seeking a mutual agreement whilst allowing the emotional standing of the parties to be processed. The mediation process has extremely positive healing attributes for life after divorce.

“I can’t deal with this”, “I’ve had enough” and “I just want this to be over with” are quotes that are heard far too often. Yes, you can sit back and just let the lawyers sort it out, but at what cost? And by cost, I am not talking solely about the financial aspect.

While the lawyers and busy lawyering, life goes on or both parties attempt for life to go on. In reality, all the emotions still prevail. Just managing to get through work and be productive is a challenge; this is a real concern and can place careers and businesses at a huge risk.

Transferring the underlying stress to other family members and loved ones is often unavoidable – this all comes at a huge emotional cost.

Conflict is destructive in any circumstance, so afford yourself the opportunity to attempt to resolve it in a peaceful manner (mediation) and you will be thankful for the rest of your life.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Whether it be a divorce, labour dispute or landlord/tenant mediation - Contact Cape Mediators today!

Landlord vs. Tenant

“Your home is your safe place”

Until such time as you have a dispute or are in conflict with your landlord...

You have a lease agreement; this agreement ensures that your rights are protected. However, a situation may arise where you feel aggrieved and decide that it is your time to act on it.

Contact is made with the Landlord, who does not share the view you have. In fact, your landlord inflames the situation by threatening your right of abode.

Firstly, within the agreement is there a clause relating to disputes? Most of the time – yes – but it really only provides for legal intervention at your expense. Even if you win the legal action you probably will not be awarded full costs.

A simple clause added will give you peace of mind that in the event of dispute or conflict the parties agree to mediate the matter.  If a mutual agreement cannot be reached, the said matter can be referred to an arbitrator to make a ruling.

The mediation process costs are shared by the parties and the agreement is based on mutual acceptance thereof and not decided on a point of law.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Cape Mediators can help you out. 

Email us mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324

What is Mediation?

Mediation may be thought of as “assisted communications for agreement."

It is an effective way of resolving disputes without the need to go to court. It involves an independent third party - a mediator - who helps both sides come to an agreement.

Here are some of the key qualities of the mediation process:

Voluntary – It is a voluntary process, so you can leave at any time for any reason, or no reason.

Collaborative - As no participant in mediation can impose anything on anyone, everyone is motivated to work together to solve the issues and reach best agreements.

Controlled - Each participant has complete decision-making power and a right to reject a decision or proposal over each and every provision of any mediated agreement. Nothing can be imposed on you.

Confidential - Mediation is generally confidential, as you desire and agree, be that by statute, 

contract, and rules of evidence and/or privilege. Mediation discussions and all materials developed for mediation are generally not admissible in any subsequent court or other contested proceeding, except for a finalized and signed mediated agreement.

Informed - The mediation process offers a full opportunity to obtain and incorporate legal and other expert information and advice. Individual or mutually acceptable experts can be retained. Expert advice is never determinative in mediation. The participants always retain decision-making power.

Impartial, Neutral, Balanced and Safe - The mediator has an equal and balanced responsibility to assist each mediating party and cannot favour the interests of any one party over another, nor should the mediator favour a particular result in the mediation. The mediator's role is to ensure that parties reach agreements in a voluntarily and informed manner, and not as a result of force or intimidation.

Self-Responsible and Satisfying - Based upon having actively participated in voluntarily resolving issues, participant satisfaction and the likelihood of compliance are found to be elevated through mediation compared to court options.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!