What skills does a Mediator need to have?

One of the great things about mediation is that the mediator does not make all the decisions, they are simply there to make sure the parties involved are working together to come to a fair agreement.

Here are some of the most important skills a professional mediator needs to have:

1. Great listen skills.

2. Questioning skills in order to understand the facts as well as the controversy.

3. Emotional intelligence.

4. Summarising skills to ensure that all the main points are set out and to assist both parties to look at issues in a less emotional way.

5. A lot of empathy!

Perhaps one of the most important skills a mediator needs is the ability to not take anyone's side and to act completely fairly. This means a mediator needs to spend an equal amount of time with each person involved to hear their side of the story as well as what issues they are facing.

As a mediator, it is never a good idea to point out that one of the parties involved is being unfair. That is why they need assistance from a mutual party… Overall mediators assist with helping parties take a reality check so they can put their emotions aside and come to a reasonable, agreed upon outcome.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Don't hesitate to contact Cape Mediators today! Give us a call on 082 422 3324 or email mike@capemediators.co.za

The 6 Main Benefits of Mediation

Choosing mediation means a lot more benefits you, especially when it comes to improving the understanding between you and the other party.

Some of the best benefits of mediation are…

-- Avoiding Court. When you choose mediation, it usually means that you do not have to go to court. At the end of your case, your mediator will usually prepare your paperwork and file it with the court.

-- Affordable. It can be very expensive to use traditional litigation. Mediation is a lot cheaper because the focus is to come to a mutual agreement not to destroy the other party.

-- Faster Agreements. Mediation happens according to your timeline and can be done quickly, sometimes in just a few short months or even weeks!

-- Customer Satisfaction. Those who use mediation come to a mutual agreement where both sides are happy with the outcome and there isn’t an overwhelming amount of stress.

-- Privacy. Mediation usually takes place in a private place, like in the mediator’s office, rather than making it a public process.

-- Preserves Relationships. Whether it is a divorce settlement or a labour dispute, preserving your relationship can be the main benefit of using mediation. Mediation focuses on communicating with each other respectfully instead of attacking one another.

These are just some of the main benefits of mediation. Of course, there are many other benefits as well, this is why mediation is seen as a more peaceful and accepted solution that ends and resolves conflicts of any magnitude.

If you are looking for professional mediation services in Cape Town and the surrounding areas, do not hesitate to contact Cape Mediators today: email mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324 to book your session. 

Why Mediated Divorce is your Best Option

Try not to say both wedding planning and divorce planning in the same sentence - please!

Both wedding planning and divorce planning require copious amounts of collective input, the latter however is often void of the same collective involvement.



The latter, divorce, is seen as a “dirty” word. Divorce looks ugly, feels terrible and is rarely planned for, however it is a reality in many people’s lives including the little ones.

As with marriage, there is life after being single, so there is too life after divorce!

A mediated divorce allows both parties to own the process themselves and not hand their destiny over to lawyers and ultimately to the court to decide the final outcome. The environment created by mediation is conducive to seeking a mutual agreement whilst allowing the emotional standing of the parties to be processed. The mediation process has extremely positive healing attributes for life after divorce. For professional mediation services that won't burn a hole in your pocket be sure to contact Cape Mediators today: email mike@capemediators.co.za or give us a call on 082 422 3324 to book your session.

“I can’t deal with this”, “I’ve had enough” and “I just want this to be over with” are quotes that are heard far too often. Yes, you can sit back and just let the lawyers sort it out, but at what cost? And by cost, I am not talking only about the financial aspect.

While the lawyers and busy lawyering, life goes on or both parties attempt for life to go on. In reality, all the emotions still prevail. Just managing to get through work and be productive is a challenge; this is a real concern and can place careers and businesses at a huge risk.

Transferring the underlying stress to other family members and loved ones is often unavoidable – this all comes at a huge emotional cost.



Conflict is destructive in any circumstance, so afford yourself the opportunity to attempt to resolve it in a peaceful manner (mediation) and you will be thankful for the rest of your life.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Whether it be a divorce, labour dispute or landlord/tenant mediation - Contact Cape Mediators today!

What to do about a Noisy Neighbour

In almost everything community there is a rule about certain unnecessary and unreasonable levels of noise.

But what happens when you encounter a neighbour that is a bit noisier than the rest? Whether it is loud music playing at night, small children screaming excessively or whatever, here’s what to do about a neighbour’s noise.

Talk. It’s plain and simple, the best thing you can do is go over and have a civil conversation instead of shouting at each other over the wall. If you feel uncomfortable going over, write them a polite note and leave it in their post-box.

Give a warning. If the noise continues, send them a copy of the local noise ordinances and keep a copy for yourself.

Mediation. If you’d like to keep a good relationship with your neighbour, mediation is a great way to sit down and chat and work things out in a civilized manner. Contact Cape Mediators for affordable mediation services in Cape Town.

Call the police. If nothing works, then your last solution should be to call the police. Show them evidence of how you have tried to solve the noise problem, but your neighbour continues to make a noise. Try to call the police over at the time the neighbours are making a noise – if the police take too long to respond, rather use your PatrolMan SOS button to summon help to your location.

Noisy neighours is a common problem, so use this useful advice to deal with the problem in the right way.

Why is Mediation Better than Arbitration?

Most of the time mediation and arbitration are mentioned together because both can be used instead of litigation. However they are two very different things and mediation is considered to be a better option. 

Here’s why...

TIME – Using arbitration to resolve a conflict or dispute is much faster than going to court, however mediation is faster. If you use mediation, your problem will be resolved in a fraction of the time that arbitration takes; sometimes it even takes as little as one day to completely settle the case.

MONEY – Arbitration may require an arm and a leg as you will need to hire an attorney and then the arbitrators also need to be paid. When using mediation you will almost always save a lot of money. Why? Because the sessions don’t take as long as arbitration so the bills will be much smaller.

FACTS – Arbitration mostly concentrates on finding the facts and uncovering the truth, while mediation likes to emphasize on the future by moving past the conflict and coming to a mutual agreement.

OUTCOME – During arbitration, a ruling will be made that is binding to both parties, so you will have no control of the outcome. In mediation, the parties will determine the outcome by working together with the mediator to come up with a resolution.

Looking for mediation services in Cape Town at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators on 082 422 3324 or pop an email to mike@capemediators.co.za

What does mediation involve?

These days there will rarely be a case that is not a suitable candidate for mediation or where the parties would decline to mediate.

Mediation involves the parties choosing their own process, which means that, although most mediation will follow a similar pattern, it can be infinitely flexible. It is a confidential process and "without prejudice", so it is an opportunity to have your say away from the public forum of a court room and in a way that allows you to express your opinion freely.

Mediation is generally presided over by a neutral person who assists the parties to work towards a negotiated settlement. That person is not a judge so they will not give an opinion on the matter but, done well, a good mediator can really test the parties' positions and assist settlement by highlighting strengths and weaknesses.

However, the decision to settle is made by the parties. They cannot be forced to settle and will only settle if the terms of that settlement have been agreed.

That is why it is always important to have someone empowered to make a final decision on settlement attending the mediation. There is nothing more frustrating than reaching a deal in principle but then having to adjourn because the decision has to be referred back to someone who is not present.

Mediation is a tried and tested way to resolve conflicts and disputes, including those which are complex and high value.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!

What skills do you need as a Mediator?

A key aspect of mediation is that the mediator does not sort things out or make any decisions for the parties involved. Instead, he or she helps the parties involved work together to develop their own agreement.

A mediator needs a range of skills, including:

- Active listening skills;

- Questioning and clarifying skills to grasp both the facts and the areas of controversy;

- Emotional intelligence to understand the underlying emotions;

- Summarising skills to set out the main points of controversy, and underlying emotions, and also to help the participants to reframe issues in less emotive language;

- Empathy to help each party to stand in each other’s shoes and understand each other’s point of view.

Perhaps most importantly, a mediator must not take sides, or be seen to be acting unfairly. You will therefore need to acknowledge points made by both parties, and spend equal time with each person or on their issues.

It’s never going to help to point out that someone is being unreasonable, but you can help them take a reality check by asking what they would consider a reasonable outcome, and then asking whether they think the other party would agree.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Don't hesitate to contact Cape Mediators today!

The Mediation Process

Although every conflict is different and every mediation process differs too, there are a number of steps which you will need to consider in every case...

        1.       Preparation

Lay out the “ground rules” for the mediation process. You may want to set up some basic rules, like only one person speaks at a time, and while someone is talking, the others have to listen in silence. There also will be no verbal abuse at anytime, as well as everything that happens remains confidential unless both parties have another agreement. Consider whether you should have separate meetings with each party to develop a better understanding of the issues before mediating a joint agreement.

        2.       Reconstruction and Understanding the Conflict

Listen to the participants stories, whether together or separately, and clarify what they want to achieve from the process. If you are meeting both participants together, it is helpful if you can summarise the main points of conflict in a neutral way that both can agree upon.  It can also be helpful at this stage to name the emotions that participants are feeling, to show that they have been recognised and understood.

        3.       Defining Points of Agreement and Dispute

Move towards a position where they start to understand each other’s point of view, and can then begin to resolve a shared problem. One way to do this is to think of it as moving from a focus on the past to one on the future. It’s extremely powerful to reflect feelings back to the participants, as it shows both that they have been heard. Don’t be afraid to suggest a break for coffee or a walk outside, or even an adjournment to another day if you think things are getting a bit heated.

        4.       Creating Options for Agreement

Identify the simplest area, or the one on which there is most agreement, and suggest resolving that first, to give a ‘quick win’. Useful techniques for developing options include brainstorming. At this stage – anything goes! You then need to help the participants to develop evaluation criteria, which should ideally be objective and in order of importance. Your role here is to make sure that all participants are equally involved in generating options and developing evaluation criteria, and that they cover all parts of the problem. Make sure that you are reflecting their opinions and not your own. Once the options have been discussed, you’ll need to guide them to a single solution that suits all parties.

        5.       Developing an Agreement

Help the participants to achieve an agreement that is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound:

- Writing down the proposal and reading it back to them.
- Writing down individual points so they are clear and understood.
- Clarifying any general or vague points.
- Avoid legalistic language, and keep everything very simple.
- Summarise progress and next steps, including setting a deadline for any future meetings, and identifying any remaining areas of difficulty, and options for their resolution.
- Being positive about progress and the fact that everyone has remained engaged.
- Offering your continued support as a mediator if required.
- Ensuring both parties sign the agreement then and there, and close the meeting once agreement is reached.

Mediation is an effective method to help solve conflicts that have gone beyond the negotiation stage. Contact Cape Mediators for affordable, professional mediation services!

Mediation can settle Contract Conflict

Contracts are entered into daily in various formats, from bank loans, deeds of sale and employment contracts to rental agreements to name but a few.

The contracts you so willingly sign are filled with many clauses of varying description, but do you realise what you are writing your signature down on? Contracts are seldom read and fully understood by the signatory.

Afford yourself the time to do due diligence – below is an example of a clause often overlooked or omitted.

Clause reference; Disputes: (ADR) alternate dispute resolution.

 The process to be followed if either the parties notifies the other in writing, a dispute exists and the nature thereof. The said clause is to cover the existing period of the agreement and any renewal or extension thereof.

The parties on receipt of said notice the parties shall within a specific time frame ie.10 (ten) working days agree to instruct their representatives or personally attempt to resolve the dispute amicably by negotiation failing this to within a prescribed time (15 working days) refer the matter for resolution by way of mediation.

In the event that the mediation process does not reach a mutually acceptable resolution of the dispute the parties agree to refer the matter to arbitration. The parties agree to be bound by the ruling of the said arbitrator.  The time frames allocated to the set agreed procedures may be mutually altered in writing by the parties.

By including the above mentioned clause one is more likely to avoid:

(           (a)   A decision taken on the matter by an external third party ie Law society representative.

            (b)   Parties agree by default to proceed to litigation.

Mediation then becomes a proactive arena for parties seeking to end disputes or conflict by mutual agreement expeditiously.

Looking for professional, reliable mediation services at an affordable price? Contact Cape Mediators today!

Wedding Planning vs. Divorce Planning

Try not to say both of those in same sentence, please.

Both wedding planning and divorce planning require copious amounts of collective input, the latter however is often void of the same collective involvement.

The latter, divorce, is seen as a “dirty” word. Divorce looks ugly, feels terrible and is rarely planned for, however it is a reality in many people’s lives including the little ones.

As with marriage, there is life after being single, so there is too life after divorce!

A mediated divorce allows both parties to own the process themselves and not hand their destiny over to lawyers and ultimately to the court to decide the final outcome. The environment created by mediation is conducive to seeking a mutual agreement whilst allowing the emotional standing of the parties to be processed. The mediation process has extremely positive healing attributes for life after divorce.

“I can’t deal with this”, “I’ve had enough” and “I just want this to be over with” are quotes that are heard far too often. Yes, you can sit back and just let the lawyers sort it out, but at what cost? And by cost, I am not talking solely about the financial aspect.

While the lawyers and busy lawyering, life goes on or both parties attempt for life to go on. In reality, all the emotions still prevail. Just managing to get through work and be productive is a challenge; this is a real concern and can place careers and businesses at a huge risk.

Transferring the underlying stress to other family members and loved ones is often unavoidable – this all comes at a huge emotional cost.

Conflict is destructive in any circumstance, so afford yourself the opportunity to attempt to resolve it in a peaceful manner (mediation) and you will be thankful for the rest of your life.

Do you want to refer a dispute? Whether it be a divorce, labour dispute or landlord/tenant mediation - Contact Cape Mediators today!